i write to free my mind and empty my heart...

after my last serious relationship, of which i felt i had no choice but to end it for the greater good of us both, my heart was completely broken and spirit shattered into infinite shards. as cliche as it might sound, it truly was harder to leave someone you still loved and wanted to love... but it was where we found ourselves, after almost 7 years, that forced me to have be honest with myself and accept the fact that maybe we were never going to be enough.

during that last year, we found ourselves lost on a downward spiral, struggling to fool ourselves into believing we could overcome anything... unforseeable things happened, and our once healthy, passionate and thriving relationship became toxic before we even knew what hit us. at the end, there were no more what if's to be wavered or explored... we both tried the best we could. and although i trust we could've continued to try, it was a hard pill to swallow knowing that we were our own worst enemies as much as we were each other's muses.

to this day, i choose to emphasize the good, but it doesn't mean i'm in oblivious of all the bad that existed too. it simply means i am thankful... 'tis better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. and with that, i've continued to remain inspired even after all that hurt.

after all, i was never angry. at the conclusion of what started off as a great love story, i was devastated - yes, but i was also hopeful for the rest of my life. deeply wounded, but found strength and solace in welcoming all the motions that came with mourning the death of my greatest tragedy. for change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind. to the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse. to the hopeful it is encouraging because things may get better. and to the confident it's inspiring because the challenge exists to make things better... and regardless of the demons that accompanied the angels, i've always known where i stood in the grand scheme of it all.

i' believe good things come to those who wait, even if they've been disappointed. and what continues to drive me is that amazing feeling to know that some of the best days of our lives haven't even happened yet! it was with this optimistic outlook, in tandem with time, that i started my healing process and embody the wisdom of understanding that sometimes hearts only break in order to truly open. <3

after i was also able to finally tape back together my broken sense of self, i found myself on an introspective journey to get "reacquainted" from the inside out. this lasted for about 3 years before i even began to entertain the idea of possibly writing another love story with my heart on my sleeves. sure, i dated and even met several amazing people... but it wasn't a coincidence that i always found myself ending relationships before they could really develop into something i knew i was not yet ready to whole-heartedly embrace. needless to say, when i was finally ready though - i was ready.

it wasn't until i met him, not more than 4 months after making the conscious decision to allow love back in my life, that everything started to come together and begin to make sense once again. it's true what they say, when you really want something and are ready for it the universe will conspire in your favor. <3 thank you for reminding me what butterflies feel like, N! i am excited for our next set of adventures together and where ever they may lead us... you are my some kind of wonderful. oh, how i love it when i can say that and truly believe it! :)


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